Ok. Things were not as dire as I expected them to be. Well maybe a little.. I didn't say anything to my wife about my attractions to men..but we did have a long talk about our lives. We decided to take a short break from each other. Everything that happened last week was a final straw for her. She says she still loves me..but that she can't take my mood swings anymore. I can't blame her. I wouldn't want to live with me either. I should have just told her that I agree that we should separate and I have something I need to tell you and let it all out..but I couldn't. I still have kids to think about and I still can't imagine her hating me. I can't even imagine not being married to her.
I am staying at Paul's for right now. Not sure if that's the best decision but it's the only option for now. Told her that he is an old friend that I ran into and he has an extra room and all so it worked out. She wants to meet later in the week..just us and talk.
Paul has been great. He apologized for taking advantage for my drunken state..but he was drunk too..so neither of us is really more responsible then the other. He has been very respectful of the situation and hasn't made any moves..even with us getting trashed yesterday..or I should say me getting trashed.
Oh well. I know this will all work itself out into whatever situation it's meant to. I sent her a text this morning telling her that I love her,,but she never responded. That hurts. I just need to give her the space she needs right now.
It's crazy how everything can change so much in a short period of time. Didn't see this coming.
Slow down. You have to think about everyone involved. Don't jump to any decisions, just because she didn't respond to your text. You both need your space right now, and you kinda just invaded hers.
ReplyDeleteyou have a lot of people who follow your blog, that are there for you. Make sure you lean whn you need to...
Hearing something is better than hearing nothing, so I am glad you took the time to update us on the current circumstances.
ReplyDeleteI suggest using this time and space you have productively. Think out who you are now, the things you have learned about yourself from these experiences and get an idea of even just a small picture of what success looks like for you in your marriage, life and head space.
Not bringing up your fluid sexuality given the emotions and ideas floating around right now with your wife was a good decision in my opinion. That is something that is certainly a part of the relationship dynamic, but is also kind of a loaded issue that needs to be processed on its own without the added weight of the other things you two are tackling.
Hope the space and time at Paul's place gives you a chance to unwind and live out a little more authentically with someone who understands you. Take care of each other and don't be scared of change and the new. It is what our futures are always made of if we are to thrive.
Daemon
Look, it's all gonna be ok no matter what road life takes you on. Take this time to reflect on yourself and what is the most important things in your life. Most people don't even get a trial period or space to separate in.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't live with just being with your wife, than maybe its better for the both of you to come to some agreement to separate. I don't know you two very well so I'm not sure if it would be an improvement to be out in the open.
Look hang in there buddy. There is clarity in your future, so don't blur your eyes with alcohol. ;) you'll be ok.