Hey guys..I've had a busy week with work and school. Nothing really interesting has gone on. Just doin my thing.
I'm meeting up with Paul and his new guy at some point in the next few days. He's told me a little about him..but I'm interested in seeing him for myself.
Nothing new with Ryan or William or at home. I guess this is a dry spell..but that usually means there's a storm brewing. That's how things normally work in my life anyway.
Until then gentlemen (and ladies..if there are any reading)....
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Grocery Store Manager
Ok..apparently I'm becoming too comfortable with myself...which can only lead to trouble..
Last night I stopped to pick up a few things at the grocery store near my house and I had another spontaneous "can I do it" moment.
There is this manager there that I have always thought was good looking. He's about my age, fit and looks friendly. There have been moments in the past where I have been in line and glanced his way only to see him looking at me and then glancing away quickly. Now I think I am actually getting familiar with this type of action as the guy being interested..not too hard to figure out..but you never really know. Anyway, he was by himself over at the customer service counter and without really thinking about it I just walked over. He looked up and smiled and I smiled back noticing a lottery ticket sign..so I just said I needed to buy a couple tickets. Realising that I was already second guessing myself..I just took a determined breath and focused on him. When he handed them to me I stuck out my hand and said "Thanks Daniel(glancing at his name tag..actually I knew quite well what his name tag said..just didn't want to look like a stalker), I'm Christian. I see you all the time and thought I would just introduce myself". He smiled and said it was nice to meet me and that he remembers seeing me shopping in the past. Then I said, "Yeah..I just live around the corner". I kept direct eye contact with him a little longer then normal and smiled. Since that seems to be the universal way of saying you're interested without saying anything. He dropped his eyes down and looked at me..as much as he could see from the other side of the counter..and looked back and said that he hoped to see me again soon. With that..I smiled my agreement and said thanks again and walked away. I looked back once and saw that he was watching me. I smiled at him again and left.
Now I am not going to let my ego over inflate..it was really nothing, but the sexual tension was there. I could see it in his eyes and he did this thing where he licked his lips..not in a lude way or anything. It was just subtle and I know straight guys don't stare at each other licking there lips..for a fact I know that. I can get used to doing this kind of shit. Gave me a chubby too..haha
I do have to say that I only attempted since I did catch him looking at me prior so I felt comfortable with it. Still not sure if I could walk up to a random guy and try a pick up..but that is something I want to work up too. Just to see if I can.
Last night I stopped to pick up a few things at the grocery store near my house and I had another spontaneous "can I do it" moment.
There is this manager there that I have always thought was good looking. He's about my age, fit and looks friendly. There have been moments in the past where I have been in line and glanced his way only to see him looking at me and then glancing away quickly. Now I think I am actually getting familiar with this type of action as the guy being interested..not too hard to figure out..but you never really know. Anyway, he was by himself over at the customer service counter and without really thinking about it I just walked over. He looked up and smiled and I smiled back noticing a lottery ticket sign..so I just said I needed to buy a couple tickets. Realising that I was already second guessing myself..I just took a determined breath and focused on him. When he handed them to me I stuck out my hand and said "Thanks Daniel(glancing at his name tag..actually I knew quite well what his name tag said..just didn't want to look like a stalker), I'm Christian. I see you all the time and thought I would just introduce myself". He smiled and said it was nice to meet me and that he remembers seeing me shopping in the past. Then I said, "Yeah..I just live around the corner". I kept direct eye contact with him a little longer then normal and smiled. Since that seems to be the universal way of saying you're interested without saying anything. He dropped his eyes down and looked at me..as much as he could see from the other side of the counter..and looked back and said that he hoped to see me again soon. With that..I smiled my agreement and said thanks again and walked away. I looked back once and saw that he was watching me. I smiled at him again and left.
Now I am not going to let my ego over inflate..it was really nothing, but the sexual tension was there. I could see it in his eyes and he did this thing where he licked his lips..not in a lude way or anything. It was just subtle and I know straight guys don't stare at each other licking there lips..for a fact I know that. I can get used to doing this kind of shit. Gave me a chubby too..haha
I do have to say that I only attempted since I did catch him looking at me prior so I felt comfortable with it. Still not sure if I could walk up to a random guy and try a pick up..but that is something I want to work up too. Just to see if I can.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Random Music
Modest Mouse - Float On
Haven't posted any music in a while. I heard this the other day and it brought back some good memories. It's a fun song and I wanted to share it...
Haven't posted any music in a while. I heard this the other day and it brought back some good memories. It's a fun song and I wanted to share it...
Ryan and Honesty
Ryan's back from his vacation. Damn I missed that kid. He is so freakin cute. He came in my office with his hair a little longer and messier with those blue eyes all sparkling with excitement when he saw me...it was nice. He said he missed me and was glad to be back. I'm definitely glad he's back. He even brought me this stupid little souvenir for my desk..I just looked at him and said "Really?"..he laughed shrugging his shoulders and left.
We met up for what now is becoming our usual lunches together. I told him about everything that happened while he was gone..even about William. I mean he already knows about Paul so I figure since I can't be completely honest with my wife..at least I can be with Ryan and the other guys I'm close too. He was all excited to hear about the details. I'm glad he wasn't upset..I thought he might have thought we were exclusive or something..even though nothing like that was ever said. He did thank me for telling him and promised to tell me if he gets any other action..with great enthusiasm. haha I told him as long as he's safe and doesn't go getting any random bareback in a dark alley somewhere..we would be good. He's not like that though. He..like me..likes to have close serious "friendships" with guys.
Being able to be honest with these guys has helped me more than I could have hoped. It's healing in a way. I'm realizing how toxic lying is now that I see how it feels when I'm home with my wife. I feel closed up and bitter at home. That sucks. It's necessary for now though. I am still way more positive at home then I used to be..things are happier even with the toxic lies.
We met up for what now is becoming our usual lunches together. I told him about everything that happened while he was gone..even about William. I mean he already knows about Paul so I figure since I can't be completely honest with my wife..at least I can be with Ryan and the other guys I'm close too. He was all excited to hear about the details. I'm glad he wasn't upset..I thought he might have thought we were exclusive or something..even though nothing like that was ever said. He did thank me for telling him and promised to tell me if he gets any other action..with great enthusiasm. haha I told him as long as he's safe and doesn't go getting any random bareback in a dark alley somewhere..we would be good. He's not like that though. He..like me..likes to have close serious "friendships" with guys.
Being able to be honest with these guys has helped me more than I could have hoped. It's healing in a way. I'm realizing how toxic lying is now that I see how it feels when I'm home with my wife. I feel closed up and bitter at home. That sucks. It's necessary for now though. I am still way more positive at home then I used to be..things are happier even with the toxic lies.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Night with William
I had an interesting weekend.
My wife got invited to go with some of her friends on a last minute overnight road trip and the kids went to their grandmas house to spend the night. That left me with an open Saturday and most of Sunday..and I took advantage of the opportunity.
I was over at William's place helping him with his yard on Saturday when my wife called me about her plans and offered to send the kids off so I can have a night out. Not that I didn't have plenty of time away recently..makes me question if she isn't up to something herself. I did ask her "who's the guy?"..she just laughed and said "no guy". Then it occurred to me..wouldn't it be funny if she left me for one of her girlfriends? haha ..but who am I to question her..I was at the time eyeing up a shirtless William and all I could think of was "Fuck Ya..this will work out nice".
As soon as I told William about my free night he immediately canceled dinner plans he had with friends so he could spend the evening with me..awesome right? It was funny..I finished telling him about my open night and he just pulls out his phone and makes the phone call then turns to me and says "I'm all yours..let me take you out somewhere tonight"..I said, "Like a date?"..he smiled and just says "Yeah". It was so fucking sexy I just wanted to drop to my knees and show him how I felt about it. I of course agreed..how do you say no to a young hot sweaty shirtless college professor asking you out??
We finished up with the yard and I went home to clean up and change..having to refuse an offer of a shower with him, but I did say maybe a shower in the morning..for which he gave me a huge smile and said sure. That pretty much set up where the night was going to lead.
He took me to this bar near his house and we ate and talked and got a little toasty. Then we walked back to his place and had a few more drinks. We flirted and got touchy feely all night..then he suggested skinny dipping in his pool. I playfully accused him of just wanting to have sex with me. He says in complete seriousness "of course" and just looks at me. For a second there I actually felt a little hurt...then he starts busting up laughing. There was a little banter back and forth..then he said it did start out that way but now he really likes me and sex wasn't his main goal anymore. With that..I just stood up and began to remove my clothes in front of him while he stared at me open mouthed..once naked..I walked up to him and smiled and put my fingers under his chin to close his mouth and said "I thought we were going to skinny dip" and headed out to the pool. He followed right behind me taking his clothes off as he went. Damn..he looks good naked. Great everything..
We swam around for a while messing with each other and getting each other all worked up. He seemed a little unsure of how to proceed at a certain point..so I just ducked under water and sucked down his dick..he seemed to really like that. haha After a little of that kind of play we then headed into his living room for some great sex. He knew what he was doing and I let him do it.
I slept in his bed with him and we fooled around off and on throughout the night. It was fun. We did have that shower in the morning and I made him breakfast naked..at his mention of not having an extra robe. We spent the morning just hanging out..then I had to head home. He said he had a really good night..I just told him "of course you just got laid by one of your students..and I expect an A". He just laughed shaking his head.. We kissed and he said he wanted to get together again soon. I agreed.
I said before that class will be different now...well NOW class will definitely be different.
This was the first time I was ever with a guy where I felt completely ok with myself and didn't feel like an emotional wreck. It was such a comfortable feeling. I didn't want to leave.
On the other side of things..this now makes guy number three..as far as me in my married life is concerned. I guess I can say that I am an official whore again..?? ..but it's not like I am out sucking random cock like I did what I was younger..I am finding serious "friendships" where I can find understanding with all this internal bullshit. Things are so different now compared to before. I know I will get a divorce within the next few years..that is the plan at this point. I want my kids to get a little older..then it will be time. Right now I have to explore this other side of me and develop these relationships with other guys. Not fighting these feelings and accepting them has really stabilized me mentally. I am also not getting fucked up every night just to numb the turmoil inside..now just drinking in social settings. That's helped me see things clearer.
My wife got invited to go with some of her friends on a last minute overnight road trip and the kids went to their grandmas house to spend the night. That left me with an open Saturday and most of Sunday..and I took advantage of the opportunity.
I was over at William's place helping him with his yard on Saturday when my wife called me about her plans and offered to send the kids off so I can have a night out. Not that I didn't have plenty of time away recently..makes me question if she isn't up to something herself. I did ask her "who's the guy?"..she just laughed and said "no guy". Then it occurred to me..wouldn't it be funny if she left me for one of her girlfriends? haha ..but who am I to question her..I was at the time eyeing up a shirtless William and all I could think of was "Fuck Ya..this will work out nice".
As soon as I told William about my free night he immediately canceled dinner plans he had with friends so he could spend the evening with me..awesome right? It was funny..I finished telling him about my open night and he just pulls out his phone and makes the phone call then turns to me and says "I'm all yours..let me take you out somewhere tonight"..I said, "Like a date?"..he smiled and just says "Yeah". It was so fucking sexy I just wanted to drop to my knees and show him how I felt about it. I of course agreed..how do you say no to a young hot sweaty shirtless college professor asking you out??
We finished up with the yard and I went home to clean up and change..having to refuse an offer of a shower with him, but I did say maybe a shower in the morning..for which he gave me a huge smile and said sure. That pretty much set up where the night was going to lead.
He took me to this bar near his house and we ate and talked and got a little toasty. Then we walked back to his place and had a few more drinks. We flirted and got touchy feely all night..then he suggested skinny dipping in his pool. I playfully accused him of just wanting to have sex with me. He says in complete seriousness "of course" and just looks at me. For a second there I actually felt a little hurt...then he starts busting up laughing. There was a little banter back and forth..then he said it did start out that way but now he really likes me and sex wasn't his main goal anymore. With that..I just stood up and began to remove my clothes in front of him while he stared at me open mouthed..once naked..I walked up to him and smiled and put my fingers under his chin to close his mouth and said "I thought we were going to skinny dip" and headed out to the pool. He followed right behind me taking his clothes off as he went. Damn..he looks good naked. Great everything..
We swam around for a while messing with each other and getting each other all worked up. He seemed a little unsure of how to proceed at a certain point..so I just ducked under water and sucked down his dick..he seemed to really like that. haha After a little of that kind of play we then headed into his living room for some great sex. He knew what he was doing and I let him do it.
I slept in his bed with him and we fooled around off and on throughout the night. It was fun. We did have that shower in the morning and I made him breakfast naked..at his mention of not having an extra robe. We spent the morning just hanging out..then I had to head home. He said he had a really good night..I just told him "of course you just got laid by one of your students..and I expect an A". He just laughed shaking his head.. We kissed and he said he wanted to get together again soon. I agreed.
I said before that class will be different now...well NOW class will definitely be different.
This was the first time I was ever with a guy where I felt completely ok with myself and didn't feel like an emotional wreck. It was such a comfortable feeling. I didn't want to leave.
On the other side of things..this now makes guy number three..as far as me in my married life is concerned. I guess I can say that I am an official whore again..?? ..but it's not like I am out sucking random cock like I did what I was younger..I am finding serious "friendships" where I can find understanding with all this internal bullshit. Things are so different now compared to before. I know I will get a divorce within the next few years..that is the plan at this point. I want my kids to get a little older..then it will be time. Right now I have to explore this other side of me and develop these relationships with other guys. Not fighting these feelings and accepting them has really stabilized me mentally. I am also not getting fucked up every night just to numb the turmoil inside..now just drinking in social settings. That's helped me see things clearer.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
William
One week later and all is still going smooth.
Ryan has been out of town on vacation with his family..so I have been occupying my spare time with William. We have been talking on the phone and exchanged a few emails. Nothing too exciting..
I did go over to his place yesterday though. Cover story to my wife was me having a study session at school. It's a necessary lie..I don't enjoy lying but I have to have an outlet for this other side of me or I fear I will become an angry asshole again. But anyway....
He has a nice house. Very high end. His place reflected his intelligence..he has traveled around the world and lives in such a worldly environment with things from different countries. It was extremely cool. We talked and he showed me around. It was fun..we got to know each other better. I didn't fool around with him though..too soon with everything recently. He did make a few subtle advances and we got really close and kissed a little. William is definitely different. He is extremely understanding and intelligent..and has a really hot body. I saw him without a shirt while he changed into casual clothes..damn.
I'm going over again this weekend to help him with some work he is doing on his yard. Maybe he will get some action then..haha.
Ryan has been out of town on vacation with his family..so I have been occupying my spare time with William. We have been talking on the phone and exchanged a few emails. Nothing too exciting..
I did go over to his place yesterday though. Cover story to my wife was me having a study session at school. It's a necessary lie..I don't enjoy lying but I have to have an outlet for this other side of me or I fear I will become an angry asshole again. But anyway....
He has a nice house. Very high end. His place reflected his intelligence..he has traveled around the world and lives in such a worldly environment with things from different countries. It was extremely cool. We talked and he showed me around. It was fun..we got to know each other better. I didn't fool around with him though..too soon with everything recently. He did make a few subtle advances and we got really close and kissed a little. William is definitely different. He is extremely understanding and intelligent..and has a really hot body. I saw him without a shirt while he changed into casual clothes..damn.
I'm going over again this weekend to help him with some work he is doing on his yard. Maybe he will get some action then..haha.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Weekend updates
Things are falling back into a normal pattern with my wife and I and things have been calm. I even went out and did some things with some of my "straight world" friends this weekend..I sort of just dropped all of them after I started hanging out with Ryan. I did see him over the weekend too. He met up with my wife and I and some other friends. He is now becoming absorbed into my everyday life..it feels good having him around though.
I did also talk with William for a while on Friday. He wants to get together again. I suggested after class later this week. I am still very curious about this guy. He gives me a different feel from the other guys I have been into before.
Then Paul..he's starting to see this guy he met. I can't lie and say that I am not jealous..but really..it's not like he is mine or anything. I told him it made me kinda jealous but that I was happy for him to find someone and that he needs to get out there. He's really excited about this guy. I liked seeing him that way. I feel like a brotherly type friendship is forming between us..I like it.
Anyway..just updates on the interesting stuff..
I did also talk with William for a while on Friday. He wants to get together again. I suggested after class later this week. I am still very curious about this guy. He gives me a different feel from the other guys I have been into before.
Then Paul..he's starting to see this guy he met. I can't lie and say that I am not jealous..but really..it's not like he is mine or anything. I told him it made me kinda jealous but that I was happy for him to find someone and that he needs to get out there. He's really excited about this guy. I liked seeing him that way. I feel like a brotherly type friendship is forming between us..I like it.
Anyway..just updates on the interesting stuff..
Friday, October 1, 2010
My same old new path
I have decided to stay married and work things out with my wife. It shouldn't be too hard..we work well together for the most part. Besides I don't think I am ready for any drastic life changes yet..since I still don't know what I want for the future.
Right now..my state of mind is not ready to take any leaps into the single world of men. I think I have a few pretty good things going right now with several people I care about. I think I want to just hang on to this way of things for a while longer.
I needed this break from my "normal" life. It gave me a broader view of everything and left me feeling way more positive. I have a brighter outlook on everything and I don't feel I will be that angry husband and father anymore. It's like I had a moment of clarity where I can see everything for what it truly is. I am going to keep my relationship with my wife on a good track and also keep my relationships with my guy friends. Let's see how this goes....
Right now..my state of mind is not ready to take any leaps into the single world of men. I think I have a few pretty good things going right now with several people I care about. I think I want to just hang on to this way of things for a while longer.
I needed this break from my "normal" life. It gave me a broader view of everything and left me feeling way more positive. I have a brighter outlook on everything and I don't feel I will be that angry husband and father anymore. It's like I had a moment of clarity where I can see everything for what it truly is. I am going to keep my relationship with my wife on a good track and also keep my relationships with my guy friends. Let's see how this goes....
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