First of all I wanted to write and say thanks to all you guys. I have read all your emails and comments and I really am taking all your thoughts and suggestions into consideration. I'm sorry I am not able to respond to each one. I will keep you all updated though.
My wife called a little while ago..making it clear she didn't want to talk yet..but she asked if I wanted to come by and pick up the kids and spend time with them tonight. I haven't seen them since over the weekend. I miss them a lot.
Those kids are definitely worth me keeping my secret. I don't ever want them to hurt because of my own selfishness. However..my thoughts turn to..am I the best father that I can be with all this turmoil inside me..no..I know that for a fact.
Would me being free to be myself be better for my kids in the long run??
That's the big question of my life right now.
fatherhood is tough. tougher being bi/gay. kids want an intact loving family. 9/10 times they will thrive much better in an intact family situation. will they survive you coming out or leaving? sure they will survive. I choose to stay for them. I am trying to be better at fatherhood and husbandhood.
ReplyDeleteI dunno. Both my wife and I came from parents who stayed together because of kids. Actually more her parents than mine, but if there isn't love there and fighting is the norm in the household, isn't it better to be separate but great parents? Be the best man that you can be for them, that's all that they want in the long run. Even if you have a bf and don't live in the same house, if you are tuned in to their needs... you can't really ask for more. My dad couldn't pick me out in a line up of look alikes... but he was always there... so I would have preferred him be more involved.
ReplyDeleteQuality vs. quantity is how time should be measured.
ReplyDeleteBeing true to the self you are discovering is never selfish.
You were you before you were a father. To not respect your life cheapens theirs.
Daemon