Well..I don't know what to say. Here I was finding answers and my place and I go and fuck everything up again. I seem to be really good at that.
I was not good the past few days. I let Ryan give me a BJ in the restroom at work yesterday afternoon. He was just so persistent and looked really fucking hot. It was meant to be just me teasing him a little..but it went too far. Oh well.. That's not all though..
The wife and I had a huge fight last night and well..things were broken and things were said..and I left. I stormed out..drove around and ended up calling Paul..
Got shit faced drunk at his place..spilling all my horrible shit out for him to hear. Then I slept with him..like complete hard core sex....then again this morning.
Shit.
How did this happen?
Told my wife that I just ended up driving around..then went over to a friends house to crash.
That's the last lie.
Now I think is a good time for us to have a talk.
Can you afford a maid (for yourself) and alimony, or child support? Hmmmm?????
ReplyDeleteOf the bi's I know, they tend to lean more towards relationships with women. But never emotionally involved with men. Are you sure you are not gay?
Can you hold off for a few days?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, don't do anything rash. If it is the right time to talk to her it will still be the right time in a few days or even a week.
You're making impulsive, emotional decisions right now. Those aren't always the best ones.
You need to be absolutely certain you want to tell your wife anything because once the words come out of your mouth, you can never take them back. And, she's never going to forget them.
Cool down and give yourself some time.
I dont know if I can..why is everything so fucked?? I am so pissed off right now I cant even beleive it. I cant even talk to Paul or Ryan..
ReplyDeleteI need to clear my head. I'll see how things play out then go from there.
I'm just tired of these games..
Hi there, Christian
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented here for quite a while, but I think this post needs a response.
I don't know why your life has suddenly unravelled like this: the last couple of weeks or more, things seem to have been going pretty well.
I'm not sure why you feel you can't talk to Ryan or Paul. If it's because you're worried things might get physical again, I suggest you meet them somewhere in public. They both sound like good friends, sympathetic and willing to listen.
About that talk with your wife: I agree with TwoLives. You're going to coming out with some life-changing stuff, for you and for her, and in the aftermath of an argument is not the time to do it. You need to be as calm and clear-headed as you can manage.
I do understand why you want to be open with the important people in your life about who and what you are. The effort of keeping up your screens all the time simply gets too much. But given where you are now, the way forward may not be easy.
Take care
Mark
wow, that sucks. Take it easy and kind of calm down for a little bit. I hate those weeks where life takes on Mr. Toads wild ride approach to everything. It all happens at once and you just wanna react no matter what.
ReplyDeleteOh and wtf is up with people being so critical about your sexuality? I always see that everywhere I go.. Are you sure your not gay?! Well, it's your label and you can do as you please. Please... ;)
I came back here after the weekend and still wondering how you are doing, mate. What kind of head space is happening. I truly hope you are doing even a bit better.
ReplyDeleteSome time and space can often bring clarity. I could fill this little box up with all kinds of trite words and stupid cliches, but I guess the only thing I really want to say is, "I care."
Daeamon