I know I haven't posted anything since early last week..but things have been busy at work and a little crazy in my personal life. In my last post I mentioned the "old friend" that started working at my company..well we ended up fooling around. It was very unexpected and something that has left me all fucked up.
On Friday..I ran into him outside my office. He said hey and we started talking. We then decided to go grab lunch to discuss things. We had a very good talk at lunch..discussed our current lives, some fun times we had and I made sure to tell him that everything was still just between us. That seemed to relax him and I'm guessing the fact that I was married as well made him even more comfortable. Now let me state that there was not even a thought of this lunch being more then just lunch in any way..and it was just that until we got back into my truck to head back to our office. The parking lot was off to the side of the building away from the street so we just sat there for a few minutes talking more...then we were making out. I don't even remember thinking that I was going to kiss him or acknowledging him wanting to kiss me..it was just happening. Our hands we all over the place..grabbing and pulling and undoing each others clothes..it was intense. Thank god we seemed to get our senses back before anything was used besides our hands. I don't think I would have been ok with that..even though I know I would have gone through with it..which goes against my rules of marriage.
Since then I have been a mental basket case.. I WANT to do more..but I just can't. Now I am the one avoiding him and I think any kind of friendship between us is done. I don't think I can risk even being around him. This guy does something to me that I didn't realize he did. I was thinking how cute he was and remembering some pretty intimate things during our lunch..and I have always thought about him to a certain degree..but I didn't realize these intense feelings were there. I don't know what I should do. I knew when I saw him that something like this would happen..I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
Is it just my pent up frustrations coming out? ..or is there something with this guy and a reason why he is suddenly back in my life..??
So many thoughts...
ReplyDeleteOne thought is that you should do yourself and the other guy a favor. Send him an email, write a note, something. Be honest and tell him that you find him attractive and fun to be with, BUT it's stirring some feelings you need to sort out. And for now, you need to avoid contact. That will give you some breathing room and it's the polite thing to do, as far as he is concerned. As a married man, he will certainly understand.
Only you can answer the question about pent up frustrations vs. something with the guy. My guess is it's probably both. Have you thought about this: would you have done anything differently if you had not already started this blog and those issues weren't already at the top of your brain?
Probably the most useful advice I can give is to give yourself a break. Don't pressure yourself to make big decisions, don't be in a hurry. Relax as best you can, keep thinking, and over time you will eventualy realize what the best answer is for you.