Josh

I officially think something IS fucking with me.. Let me tell you all what events that went down the last couple days. There will be several parts to this..

I met up with my friend Josh for a few drinks at his place after class Tuesday night. He was the topic of one of my prior posts..anyway he was well ahead of me in the getting drunk phase. We start talking while I tried to catch up and he starts to unload some issues on me..now this isn't too out of the ordinary for him. Josh is somewhat of an emotional type..you know the one that hugs everyone upon meeting..you sort of feel like you want to watch out for the guy. This time the conversation turned to some heavy shit about life-career-marriage.

Anyway..he starts telling me all his marital problems and that he thinks he is about to get divorced and how he doesn't know what he is going to do and all that typical drunk blubbering shit.

Well as the good friend..I listened and tried to throw out some advice here and there. I didn't mind it all since I love watching him talk..he has one of the most sexiest mouths I've ever seen.

He had gotten up and was pacing around and getting bit animated and.. then it got interesting.

He came plopping down right next to me on the couch and put his hand on my thigh and squeezed..way to close to my crotch to be just nothing. I just looked at him and he looked at me in silence for a minute then he leaned in a little..I was sort of taken by surprise so I pulled back a little. He looked away and got up abruptly and said he thought he had too much to drink and needed to crash. I just looked at him..but he wouldn't make eye contact. All I could think was "Fuck..now what do I do". If only I could just tell him about me..right? He seemed to be getting more upset..so I got up and hugged him..like I said..he hugs everyone so this wasn't out of the ordinary. However this time he just broke down..saying he was sorry and he didn't know what he was doing. I just said it was ok and don't stress about it. Then I guided him to his room and told him I would call.

Could it really be that my attraction to him is a mutual thing..or just drunk insecurities coming out on his part? Now we all know..I would have loved to have fucked his brains out..but I couldn't especially while he was in that state and well..I'm trying to stay true to my marriage and all. Which I am finding harder by the day..

So..I texted him yesterday and he didn't respond. I called and left him a message that we need to go hang this weekend..that it would be good for both of us.

Also..isn't it ME that's supposed to be pulling this crap on guys..not the other way around??

It must have to do with this blogging since I feel more prepared to handle this type of thing. Feels weird..but I was completely level headed about the whole thing when if this were a couple months ago..I would have been a nervous wreck over it. Funny thing is that I didn't even realize the change in me..when did that happen? I guess just knowing that I am not alone in this makes me more assured of myself...I like that.

..This isn't the only thing that happened. I will post the next bit later.