I just posted something that I had started writing weeks ago but never got around to finishing. So there it is. I guess that means I would be considered more on the gay side then the straight side. I am attracted to men physically and emotionally..more so than women. That realisation..or admission I guess..has really been a shock to myself. I have always thought I knew exactly who I was and now I realise I don't at all. Shit.
I definitely feel a lot more centered this week though..let's see if it holds. This roller coaster I am on is not fun..I have been feeling like a chick on her period..wanting to break down one minute then pissed off the next. This is all so strange for me since I usually am in complete control of myself.
Ryan and I have had a few conversations over the last few days. He is a good guy and I think an understanding kind of friendship can form from all this. He apparently is in the same position I am in. He did drop back into my life for a reason..I know that now.
..so anyway. Work has been busy, with the added pressure of the owner having financial issues and "cleaning house" his words..oh well..I am trying to make some changes in my life right..if I get sent packing..maybe it will end up better in the long run. Classes have started again also..here goes the balancing act again.
That's it for now..thanks guys!
You are so damn lucky to have Ryan around. Actually, you are lucky to have each other. Going through this shit alone, well, it sucks. Having a true friend that you can trust and be completely honest with? Wow. Is there a better kind of friendship?
ReplyDeleteAs for changes...do you need to be in a hurry? Accepting yourself is already a big deal. Maybe you need to take it slow so you can adjust and thoughtfully decide what is most important to you in the future.
BTW - marriages between 'more gay than straight men' and women can and do work. The man needs to make the sacrifices, however, if the bond is to remain honest.
It would never be an option for me to open up to my wife..she wouldn't understand. There have been discussions on the topic of "not so straight" guys being married when seen on TV or talks with friends. She sees it as black or white and no in between. That doesn't mean things can't change in the future..but it doesn't look to promising right now.
ReplyDeleteI agree..Ryan is good to have around. I needed that right now. I hope things work out as a friendship for us.
I am just going to go with it and see what happens.