Question and answer time..

Since I don't have too much new going on right now..I thought I would do a question and answer post.

If you have a something to ask..comment or email me and I will do my best to answer you since I know I have a lot I have skimmed over without going into detail.

I'm an open book now..so go for it.

Updates..

Not much has been going on the past few weeks.

Recap on a few things..

Robert and lunch was normal. We talked about work and nothing important,but he made sure to tell me if I needed "assistance" with anything..to let him know. Haha..I was completely expecting that one. It's not going to happen though..I have enough going on.

Jeff and I have gotten together a few times. He is a no nonsense guy..straight to the point with no chit chat..then acts like I'm just a buddy hanging out and nothing happened..he is very good at it too. I like that about him. No pressure at all.t

I'm still doing my thing with Jon. We hang out mostly when I have free time,but not much in the past few weeks.

I also haven't seen William or Josh much this month at all.

Guess I'm losing steam a little..

Almost a year..

I realized its getting close to my year mark for my blog and it's crazy how different I feel now compared to when I started this process. All night I was thinking how I have completely become used to how I've been living now..just doing as I please. I enjoy it and I'm good at it. I am living two opposite ways of life at the same time. At home I am an awesome dad and good husband..even with our problems. I do all the things I need to do to keep everything running smooth. I love that part of my life. On the other side of it all..I love my experiences with the men I get involved with. It fullfills a need the I have come to except as a permanent part of me. I am comforted in the fact that there are others like me and I'm not crazy..I'm truly a normal human being and that's it. That's all I really needed to know. I still have my daily struggles..some days are good some days are bad and I still have some shit in my past that I haven't worked through ..but I have come to except that as well and everyday that goes by I will understand more and let old shit go. I'm so glad I started this blog..its helped more than I ever thought it could.

Anyway ..I will write more later.

Thanks guys!

Robert

Robert and I talked this morning. He apologized for the other day and how he should have not said anything since I have obviously moved on from my past. He said he wouldn't have liked it if it was the other way around. I told him it was no problem. He wants to take me to lunch and promised it was not a ploy for getting into my pants. I just said sure and left it at that. So..lunch with an ex client tomorrow..that should be interesting. He was a good client. I remember meeting up with him about three times i think and he tipped very well..that I remember. All this has made me realize how many guys I've slept with..shit..it's a lot. I'm surprised I don't run into them more..but most were out of towners....

New Shit

I know I haven't posted in a while..but things got a little crazy the past few weeks. Here are the main points..there are a few more but I don't have time today.

My wife and I were out with friends recently and a friend of mine brought a very attractive friend of his along named Jeff. We were pretty far into the night and blasted out of our minds when Jeff came up next to me at the bar. Now let me point out that there was immediate eye fucking between us since he got there and as the night rolled along we were talking more and more. Anyway ..at the bar he reached over and put his hand on my shoulder and gave me his business card and told me to call him. Of course the next day I did. We met up a few days later had a couple beers and helped each other 'relieve a little stress' as he calls it. He has a great body and awesome dick..I am a little infatuate by this one. He is a commercial contractor..smart..professional and damn hot. This will be a good one.

Next on my crazy list..in my crazy life is Robert. He is a sales guy where I work and I interact with ever day. When I first started a few months ago I remember him looking at me funny..almost trying to place me and surprised at the same time. I didn't give it much thought at the time..he is decent looking but not really my type since he is a lot older and a little overweight ..which is ok on some guys but it does not look good on him. Well last week I was in his office and he smiled and asked if I remembered him from this certain hotel. I just looked at him as my stomach dropped and a cold sweat started..it all came back to me. I just sighed and said I do now and made up some excuse to leave the office. He hasn't brought it up again and he has been extremely professional since ..so I'm going to let it go for now. It was just one of the weird uncomfortable moments. This one is not over..I know that. I will post more about this guy later.

That's it for now.

Public Restroom

It has been a good week, but I am looking forward to the weekend. I am going hiking with Jon tomorrow. We will most likely do some inappropriate things.

A weird thing happened this week. I stopped someplace after work to pick up a few things and had to pee. A guy was on there at one of the two urinals so I went up to the other. After a second I noticed in my peripheral vision the dude had a hard on..all out and not trying to hide it. I thought..holyshit..and tried to casually get a better look. He turned towards me a little and I looked over at him. He wasn't good looking but not gross either..so I just smiled and looked down at his erection for a good look. It was very nice looking. I realized ..with slight embarrassment for some reason..that I was getting hard too since I was just standing there holding myself. I looked back up at the guy and he was smiling and intently looking my now almost full erection. I was not sure what to do..so I stood there like a fool. Then he reached over and grabbed hold of my dick and started squeezing and stroking it. I looked back down at his and reached over and started doing the same to his. After about 30 seconds I was cumming right there in a public bathroom by the hand of some stranger..then he came too. I just looked at him in complete silence. He said thanks man..shoved his dick away and went to the sink. I stood there until he left and did the same. I'm still surprised by the whole encounter. It was not something that I planned on doing..but it happened. Fucking crazy. How do I get into these situations?

Oh well..at least it makes for an excellent post.

I will be thinking about this for a while..

Dream

I had this dream last night .. I was rich and living in a penthouse in New York with my wife. It was dark and sterile..with everything in its place. I was miserable..but I had everything anyone would want so I couldn't figure out why I hated it so much. Then my wife found out about my attraction to men and everything erupted into quiet confusion..helicopters started taking off from the roof with our belongings and everything melted away. All I remember seeing at one point were the stars and feeling the silence. I knew it was over. Then I was standing alone in the daylight in front of a small house on a beachy type field. It was simple with not much inside..but I was happy.

Young guy.

So there is this guy I have been scoping out for the past few weeks. He works at my company..I know..another coworker...but they are the best to fool around with. Anyway he is on the young side..maybe 21..and cute but not in what I would normally be into. Kind of skinny..but great eyes. I'm not sure what is attracting me to him. He has this sorta lost puppy look to him most of the time and I just want to understand him. He mostly does him own thing and keeps to himself. I think I will start some interactions between us and see what kind of vibe I get.

No real point to this post..just thoughts.

I understand some people would think the way I've been living my life recently is horribly inappropriate. My rational side agrees with that..but things are not that simple. There is an accumulation of events that has led me to this point in my life. My marriage is complicated ..it has been from the start. We started off as good friends ...then friends with benefits..all while periodically dating other people. Then we became exclusive and moved in together ..then she had second thoughts and a hook up with her ex. I let it go and justified it because I cared about her since being with me meant instant family with my kid. When things aren't good between us we fight often and hateful shit spews back and forth..mainly from her end. Then we make up and I take out my frustrations with aggressive make up sex. The marriage is in a constant state of possibly ending then a resurgence of can't being without each other. Last year she had another affair. Which we are working through..if I didn't have my own things going on on the side..I would have been gone already. She is by no means a poor little innocent housewife.

I'm not really sure what my point is..all I know is that I am sweating my balls of currently..its so fucking hot out.

I am not going to try and defend my actions..they are what they are and that's it. I will continue to post things about this part of my life. That's what this blog is for.

Selfish Bastard

Now that things are falling back into place..I've been thinking. What is all this about? Is my life in a healthy balance? If I am ok with my path..even as disfunctional as it is..is it worth it? Where is this path leading me?

I've been trying to figure it all out and have not gotten any closer to a resolution to all my conflicts. Maybe this is the path I was always meant to live. Married and sleeping around with guys on the side..a double life. I don't mind the double aspect of it..it's fun if you take away the lying and betrayal part of it. My wife and I have a relationship that has really just been best friends who got together and had kids. I love her..but I'm not sure if I am in love with her. I don't think that even really matters to me anymore. One part of me wants the married life..grow old with someone with the grandkids running around ..and the other wants to whore it up. I'm sure that is a fairly common thought with most people. I've spent a lot of time with my wife while I was out of work..we seem to understand each other better now..I don't want to loose that..but I want more at the same time.

Hello, my name is Christian and I am a selfish bastard.

Yes..I am still here.

First of all sorry for my scarce-ness. I needed to focus on building my life back up the past several months.

..so what's new in my world? A few things are definitely different..but I am still married..which is a surprise even for me..but we started talking more and our relationship improved..go figure. She still doesn't know about my attraction (or lust) for men..but it is building to that point. We've been getting along too well that I don't wont to sink the boat yet. We started counseling and all that bullshit to help us. I'll get into that more later.

I no longer have a work computer to utilize anymore for my blogging purposes.. I am using my trusty smart phone..it's a pain in the ass by the way. This would be do to the fact that I was laid off from my job back in January. I started working again after 4 months of unemployment and now after coming to terms with my substantial pay cut and having to start all over again career wise..I am at a comfortable place to pick up this blog again.

Now for the real reason you have tuned in..

What's new with the guys in my life? Unfortunately ..not anything too over the top at the moment.

Josh and I have been back at it lately.

William and I have been getting together off and on. He has some shit he's been dealing with.

Ryan and I talk a lot since he moved..but haven't had a chance to visit each other.

Jon and I finally went past the flirting stage.

..and there is a new guy I am very interested in. I will post more tomorrow.

Damn hot!

Found this online the other day. Couldn't help but share it.

A new year...with changes.

Well it's 2011 and a new year with a lot of changes. I have been too caught up with the people in my life and the holidays..which I am glad to be done with. Way too much stress comes along with the flashiness of it all. It's very ridicules.

Anyway, here is the happenings in my world.

- Josh and I are over. He had a huge guilt trip just before Christmas and broke down about how he couldn't live a cheating lifestyle anymore. Kinda made me feel like an ass about my cheating..but in all honesty I'm glad. He was too needy for me and I don't do needy very well.

-Ryan is moving back to California at the end of next week. His parents are having a hard time running there small business and he is picking up his family and moving there to help them out. This I am sad about. He is a very good friend now and I have gotten used to him being around. I'll miss him.

-William is taking a long sabbatical to travel and figure out what he wants out of life..whatever that really means..I don't know. He seemed to have a dark cloud over him since he went to visit his family a while back. He wont talk to me about it though. He keeps telling me that he is fine, but I know he's not. Wish I could do more.

-Jon and I have had some fun hanging out and flirting a lot. Not sure what to make of him yet. He's fun to be around though.

-..and the big one being that my wife admitted to an affair on new years eve. What a way to ring in the new year huh..?? I just listened to her shit about not feeling connected anymore and was looking for attention elsewhere. I know I am completely to blame here..since I did pull away from her. I didn't tell her about my infidelity. I just started sleeping on the couch and we haven't really been speaking to each other too much this week. I'm feeling a divorce coming on strong..but that is what I want right? I would be free to do what I want. Right?? Now with it actually a real possibility..again I'm not sure what I want anymore. Damn I sound like a flake.. What's the saying? Have your cake and eat it too... I enjoy my current lifestyle far too much. That makes me such a selfish bastard. I'll figure it out..always do.