I had an interesting weekend.
My wife got invited to go with some of her friends on a last minute overnight road trip and the kids went to their grandmas house to spend the night. That left me with an open Saturday and most of Sunday..and I took advantage of the opportunity.
I was over at William's place helping him with his yard on Saturday when my wife called me about her plans and offered to send the kids off so I can have a night out. Not that I didn't have plenty of time away recently..makes me question if she isn't up to something herself. I did ask her "who's the guy?"..she just laughed and said "no guy". Then it occurred to me..wouldn't it be funny if she left me for one of her girlfriends? haha ..but who am I to question her..I was at the time eyeing up a shirtless William and all I could think of was "Fuck Ya..this will work out nice".
As soon as I told William about my free night he immediately canceled dinner plans he had with friends so he could spend the evening with me..awesome right? It was funny..I finished telling him about my open night and he just pulls out his phone and makes the phone call then turns to me and says "I'm all yours..let me take you out somewhere tonight"..I said, "Like a date?"..he smiled and just says "Yeah". It was so fucking sexy I just wanted to drop to my knees and show him how I felt about it. I of course agreed..how do you say no to a young hot sweaty shirtless college professor asking you out??
We finished up with the yard and I went home to clean up and change..having to refuse an offer of a shower with him, but I did say maybe a shower in the morning..for which he gave me a huge smile and said sure. That pretty much set up where the night was going to lead.
He took me to this bar near his house and we ate and talked and got a little toasty. Then we walked back to his place and had a few more drinks. We flirted and got touchy feely all night..then he suggested skinny dipping in his pool. I playfully accused him of just wanting to have sex with me. He says in complete seriousness "of course" and just looks at me. For a second there I actually felt a little hurt...then he starts busting up laughing. There was a little banter back and forth..then he said it did start out that way but now he really likes me and sex wasn't his main goal anymore. With that..I just stood up and began to remove my clothes in front of him while he stared at me open mouthed..once naked..I walked up to him and smiled and put my fingers under his chin to close his mouth and said "I thought we were going to skinny dip" and headed out to the pool. He followed right behind me taking his clothes off as he went. Damn..he looks good naked. Great everything..
We swam around for a while messing with each other and getting each other all worked up. He seemed a little unsure of how to proceed at a certain point..so I just ducked under water and sucked down his dick..he seemed to really like that. haha After a little of that kind of play we then headed into his living room for some great sex. He knew what he was doing and I let him do it.
I slept in his bed with him and we fooled around off and on throughout the night. It was fun. We did have that shower in the morning and I made him breakfast naked..at his mention of not having an extra robe. We spent the morning just hanging out..then I had to head home. He said he had a really good night..I just told him "of course you just got laid by one of your students..and I expect an A". He just laughed shaking his head.. We kissed and he said he wanted to get together again soon. I agreed.
I said before that class will be different now...well NOW class will definitely be different.
This was the first time I was ever with a guy where I felt completely ok with myself and didn't feel like an emotional wreck. It was such a comfortable feeling. I didn't want to leave.
On the other side of things..this now makes guy number three..as far as me in my married life is concerned. I guess I can say that I am an official whore again..?? ..but it's not like I am out sucking random cock like I did what I was younger..I am finding serious "friendships" where I can find understanding with all this internal bullshit. Things are so different now compared to before. I know I will get a divorce within the next few years..that is the plan at this point. I want my kids to get a little older..then it will be time. Right now I have to explore this other side of me and develop these relationships with other guys. Not fighting these feelings and accepting them has really stabilized me mentally. I am also not getting fucked up every night just to numb the turmoil inside..now just drinking in social settings. That's helped me see things clearer.
Christian,
ReplyDeleteI think you are starting to find that side of yourself you were not sure existed. The part where you accept yourself for exactly who you are.
Sure...it may not make sense to others, this dichotomy of love for guys and for girls. The balance of a marriage, a family and exploration. But it is also a part of being intrinsically human.
The clear cut roles of gender and societal norms have never consisted of being human but are merely exercises in control, usually by others who are too frightened to confront their own humanity and "perceived" shortcomings due to norms and mores set up by religious groups.
I am glad and thankful that you had this time and experience with someone who treated you right and with respect. Don't ever make light of the comfort of being naked with another person. That level of exposure and peace is not something that is found by accident.
I am proud of you for taking the chance on being yourself and shedding the labels that others might try to place on your love, lusts and lifestyle. Please keep being yourself. It looks good on ya. Ciao!
Daemon
What a fantastic night with William. He seems like a awesome guy and it's a lucky break that you were able to spend so much time with him.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I usually add a comment soon after you post. But for this entry I had a really hard time figuring out what to think about this sentence: "I know I will get a divorce within the next few years..that is the plan at this point." Only days before you posted something complete opposite.
I can't be critical of any kind of flip-flopping because I do it myself on an hourly basis. I guess what bothers me is that I'm trying to chart a path in a vacuum. I want to make the right decisions at the right time and not let others influence me. So, when you spend an awesome night with William and you decide you're going to divorce at some point...it feels hasty to me. I have no fucking clue what the right answer is, certainly for you and even for myself. But I do strongly feel that any plan needs to be well thought out. Not for ourselves but for our kids. Maybe we should get divorced asap because dragging things out is worse than making the leap. Or maybe we should wait until the kids are out of the house. I don't know...but it kind of freaked me out that you appeared to have made a new plan after spending one night with William.
Two Lives-
ReplyDeleteI realize the confusion..I should have been more clear in my posts about my marraige. It was not the night with William that made me come to this divorce conclusion. That has been the plan since I decided to work things out with my wife. I had explained that in a couple emails to a few guys..didn't realize I wasn't more specific in my blog.
It is the plan to stay married and work through things for a few more years then I should be at a good place to make a final decision..my kids will be older and I will have had time to figure things out without rushing.
I know where it is going at this point though. I need to be honest with everyone in my life..no other options.
Ah, now I understand.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't discussed the future with your wife yet though?
Here's a question I find impossible to answer: at what age will the kids be old enough? My youngest is 11. She's approaching middle school, likely the worst years of her life. Should I add to that trauma by divorcing and coming out? Or should I wait? How long? It's a slippery slope...whatever age they are, I wish they'd be older.
I hear ya..
ReplyDeleteThere is no good age..I'm pretty sure about that. I can only assume the our kids wouldn't want to know that we were unhappy with our lives. That's how I would feel about my parents. Everyone is different though..I guess at a certain point you just have to take a chance and run with it.
I think there is an unspoken agreement between my wife and I that we work things out for the kids. There is definitely a different feel in our relationship now. Everything is falling back to normal (sex & conversation), but there is a different look in her eyes.