I have this friend Josh. He is a fun guy, cute, edgy, tattoos, drummer in band..you know..all the good stuff. We have been hanging out more recently, just chilling and drinking, nothing too exciting, budding friendship type of thing. Anyway the problem is that I am developing this mad ass crush on him and I can't shake it. I mean really...am I a 12 year old girl?? What's wrong with me? I mean it's getting to the point where I can't even look at him without wanting to lunge forward and kiss him. I don't know how to handle this. I have been attracted to random male friends/co-workers before, but no guy has ever made me feel like this at all. I literally feel like I'm a teenager again..increased heart rate and everything. Now he is married with a kid, but I do get a sense back from him. I do not have "gaydar" to a great extent, but there have been lingering looks between us at times..maybe it's the alcohol, but it's happened while we weren't drinking too. I am not at all sure what that means on his end. I just want to be able to hang with him without feeling like this. It's not helping my current life situation.
Damn would it be nice just to feel him close...see a complete mess here.
How should I handle this?
What do you want to happen?
ReplyDeleteFor him to be interested in you and for the two of you to have an affair?
To have a close friendship where he knows about you and accepts you, but nothing happens sexually?
To be friends and not risk that friendship by making assumptions and/or coming out to him and risk embarrassing yourself, or worse?
Bottom line: you have to know what you want before you can make a plan to get there. Don't know what you want? Be patient with yourself until you do.
Don't have a clue as to what I want out of this. I guess just to be friends without this other attraction bullshit..but then the what ifs start and I want more.
ReplyDeleteRealistically I know it's just something I need to ignore for now..I just don't want too.